PONDERED BY THE WINDOW

Monday, November 6, 2006


     As I went up the stairwell, I saw the rushing cars over the large window glass.  The overpass highway was as high as our 2-storey building.  It was as busy as ever and as busy as me.  ...I was catching up.






     Five long weeks after, I was back to work.  Back to my 2nd job in Virginia, to my 2nd-hand executive chair, on the 2nd floor, for the 2nd time since my last visit to Kellie.  Like I always did when I walked up the KITCO stairs, I looked over the slightly tinted glass and pondered…  The sky looked as if it was still summer.  The trees were thick and green.  The electric posts remain eye sores to this commercial area.  Nothing seemed to have changed except, of course, my tummy that had been "unbloated" to some degree.  And oh, the parking lot.  While Reserved Commonwealth was still painted, Reserved Kenseal had been scraped off.  They sure left their building spaces like an abandoned ghost town…  And as for the miraculous fetus that once inhabited my anxious body, she left my uterus hollow but my heart, full.  So I continued to ponder…


I now have a baby…  I'm now a mother…  How precious!!!




I can't believe that…  And I can't believe I'm writing the feeling…


    One time when I was in the shower, I prayed for my own little me.  I had asked myself a lot of times if I would ever be a mom . . . if Lance would ever be a dad . . . if we deserve to be parents…  There had been times when I thought I was infertile.  Even so, I felt quite glad there was an infertility institute here in Virginia.






     Fate.






     Three years after our marriage and ten years after being together, Sophia was born.  Finally, my questions had been answered.  But as I move along, new questions fill my head as to what she may be.  I pray that I may never be anxious no more.  I pray that things will always turn out fine.  La-di-da…






     Questions so baffled me as I pondered by the window...

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